ahh yes the sweet smell of feeling excluded from absolutely everything
job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job
my only talent is not being in a relationship
if you’re reading this i’m beautiful
*comes to meet you at Starbucks 15 minutes late with Starbucks from another location*
just be grateful that bing didn’t buy tumblr
we’ve all got that weird pretty big secret that we don’t really hide but like we don’t flaunt it like “My brother died of cancer” or “I’m gay” or “I tried to kill myself last year” or anything really and when you find out somebody’s big plot twist you know you’re in this friendship for the long run
imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday, every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves
"he or she" …they?